What You Need to Know about How Guys Think
Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa A. Rice
Category: Christian Life & Discipleship
So ladies, think about the last time you liked a guy. Of course you probably spent hours upon hours discussing all the 'what if's' with your girlfriends and spent an equal amount of time trying to impress your admired cutie. But did you ever stop to think about what he's REALLY thinking? Is he thinking about you just as much? Or what about you parents…do you wish there was a way to help your daughter better understand the unknown world of the young male mind? Well, have no worries. In Shaunti Feldhahn's most recent book, For Young Women Only, this mysterious world is divulged. Along with Lisa A. Rice, Feldhahn uses evidence from extensive studies directly speaking with young men, to help young women navigate the world of dating. It is brutally honest and perfectly witty to help women of ANY age have the heads up on what to expect when the opposite sex comes calling.
One of the most common questions women have is what are guys thinking? It is impossible to always know, but quite possible to learn how to distinguish the typical signs guys give. The first chapter of For Young Women Only deals directly with these issues. Feldhahn immediately lays the framework for the book by telling women the six insights that will be addressed. First, she cites what women think about guys' actions, then she gives the ACTUAL meaning of their actions. Even if you just read the first few pages of this book, you will have an advantage. As I read over this chart, I rattled off these insights to my own husband. Even after all the dating in my teens and being married, I was awakened by many of the answers he had to the insights. To my surprise, he quickly nodded his head to each one, explaining to me how they were relevant to his own dating life. At the top of the list is probably the most important key to effective, healthy dating: RESPECT. We've all heard Aretha Franklin croon about women needing respect, but what us women truly need to learn is the insatiable desire of all men to have OUR trust and respect. With that simple foundation, the skills for deciphering a man's actions are exponentially easier to understand.
Sex. When dealing with dating, one cannot mince words about this topic. One of the most confusing, and often elusive things about guys is what is going on when it comes to women and sex. Honestly, young women are clueless. I was, and sometimes still am when it comes to this subject. The only way to truly learn about guys and sex is to go to the source-and that is exactly what Feldhahn does. At the beginning of her chapter entitled "Keeper of the Photo Files", Feldhahn stresses the fact that men ARE going to look. With survey questions given to young guys, both religious and non-religious, she demonstrates the internal struggles guys face daily when it comes to women and their appearance. I am just now beginning to grasp this. Even if we are wearing something that seems harmless, guys may see it as a stumbling block. This became more apparent when I went running one morning and my husband addressed the shorts I was wearing. Now, he is not a control freak who monitors everything I wear, but I never really thought twice about wearing short shorts when running. Then he began to explain to me the way guys think. It still takes me time to grasp this. Men can store away images in ways that women will never do. And this is exactly what Feldhahn stresses. With great clarity, she dissects the infamous line "guys are visual" and helps guide young women in how to understand and deal with this reality in a Godly way.
Coupled with this idea that guys are visual, comes the insecurity that young women feel because of this concept. Regardless of our depth of understanding in this area, women always seem to feel some level of uncertainty about the way they look. The media and our society certainly urge the importance of looks to the point that it becomes detrimental to young women. Understanding this is key, especially when trying to understand what guys REALLY desire. After reading about how guys struggle with a wandering eye, I was pleasantly surprised with survey answers that the young men gave. While young women are stressing out over their figures, guys are really more interested in a woman with confidence in herself. Guy after guy spoke about being attracted to the girl who carried herself with an air of strength and class, even if they were not sporting a model figure worthy of a YM cover. Lisa A. Rice shares her own story of struggling with bulimia to help young women understand the fruitlessness of striving for an unattainable image of perfection. It is a struggle that women will probably always deal with, but one that can be tempered if we can understand what guys truly desire.
With all the advice and experience in the world, it is useless without first having an understanding of how God longs for us to effectively date and treat each other. Although For Young Women Only deals primarily with the facts about guys, its basis lies in the Word of God and stresses the importance of both men and women finding their true strength and confidence in God. Prayer is the tool that Feldhahn and Rice emphasize as young women think about dating and the prospect of marriage. Being young is confusing enough without trying to figure out the opposite sex. For Young Women Only is an invaluable tool for both young and old alike, and a resource mothers will wish they had when they were teens. For more information, check out For Young Women Only.
Kelly Schauermann, January 2007
Kelly Schauermann is a 26-year-old student studying English at San Diego State University. Her work can be seen in Surfing Girl Magazine, Meanstreet Magazine, and at TheOoze.com. She enjoys travelling, music, photography and watching people. Kelly and husband Jared live in San Diego, California, and recently welcomed their first child, Chloe, to the world. Discover more at her blog, ableknife.Multnomah | Order from www.christianbookshops.org | Order from St Andrew's Bookshops
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